CHAT ARCHIVE - 2-20-99
Devices, Part I: How to Show, Not Tell

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Started on Sun Feb 21 00:37:31 1999

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<Chipmonk> So, shall we start on devices?
<Casey> I will preface by saying that a lot of the techniques I'll be
covering tonight are "classical" literary techniques, largely ignored in
writing today.
<Casey> Tonight's discussion topic is Devices:  How to Show, Not Tell.
<zentao> Devices in literature.
<Fairydragon> How to show what?
<zentao> A story.
<Fairydragon> oh.. I get it
<BeckyB> How to show what you are trying to say in a way that helps the
reader better identify with what is going on as opposed to just telling a
story.
<Casey> Literary devices that help convey action and information without
dependence on the omniscient voice.
<Fairydragon> to make it a visual.
<Chipmonk> This is New Writer's workshop, Casey is the moderator.
<Fairydragon> ok.  I am understanding now
<Casey>  FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE is language expanded beyond its usual literal
meaning and usually contains a stated or implied comparison that expresses
a relationship between things that are essentially unlike. 
<zentao> I happen to like omniscient voice.
<zentao> or is that omniscient soto voce? :-)
<BeckyB> Do you have an example?
<zentao> I think I slide it in quite effectively.
<Casey> The omniscient voice is necessary, but too often is the major or
sole tool used by beginning writers to convey information.
<Fairydragon> kind of like tonight.
<Casey> EX:  Henry James in The American changed:  "Yes, this seeing of the
world was very pleasant, and he would willingly do a little more of it" to:
"Yes, these waters of the free curiosity were very soothing, and he would
splash in them till they ran dry."
<zentao> Yuck.
<BeckyB> I like it.
<Casey> I don't especially like this example, but it shows clearly the
device being used.
<Fairydragon> But how do you know he is talking about the world.
<BeckyB> But then I loved a Tale of Two Cities, and that's full of that
sort of thing.
<Casey> Actually, he's talking about travel, which I must assume is
understood by the time this line is used.
<Fairydragon> ok
<Casey> Context must play a part in whether or not such use maintains
meaning.
<zentao> Duh, context?  Duh huh? Wat dat?
<Casey> I am very "big" on clarity, even if that means sacrificing some
artistic flourishes.
<Casey> A better example is:
<Casey> ". . . and it was both uncomfortable and slightly contemptible to
feel obligated to square ones self with a standard" became ". . . and
shouldn't hunt about for a standard as a lost dog hunts for a master."
<BeckyB> On both of these examples, The first sentence seems to have quite
a different meaning to me that the next sentence.  But that is one reason
why when you read a book a second time you can get different thinks out of
it.
<Casey> There are changes in meanings and in mood.  But those are the
author's choices:  how to present the information and what impact is to be
made on the reader.
<Casey> Or how that information is to impact a reader.  What impressions
the author wants to create.
<Casey> Which brings us to Imagery.
<Casey>  IMAGERY is description that appeals to the senses.   It arouses a
readers emotion and creates mood.  "W. H. Auden said that poetry is
memorable speech; one might say that fiction is memorable images."
<BeckyB> I tend to get caught up in imagery in what I write.  Too much at
times I've heard.
<Casey> I think we tend to focus (concentrate) on visual imagery and
overlook the auditory and other senses.
<BeckyB> That's a good point.
<Casey> I found an auditory image that I like a lot:  "Standing beside the
closed piano on the morning of the funeral Stephen heard the coffin bumping
down the crooked staircase."  (James Joyce, Stephen Hero)
<Casey> To me, there's something about the piano and the sound that link
together in my brain.
<Chipmonk> I can hear that.
<Casey> Almost as if the bumping is coming also from the piano.
<Fairydragon> Do you think it would not work  with a.. sofa or something
else?
<BeckyB> I discover it translates to me to a visual image as well.  A
narrow staircase that turns and they have a hard time and the coffin and
the body inside are getting banged around.
<Casey> a sofa would simply give the sound a different feel--not the
ominous one generated by the coffin.
<zentao> All right.  Pause a second
<Casey> paused.
<Chipmonk> A piano is very much like a coffin, a sofa isn't as much.
<zentao> Let's look at this from an alien reader's perspective.  How does
one show a story so that any entity would comprehend?
<Fairydragon> no., I mean. he is standing next to the sofa instead of the
piano.  One is as alike as the other.
<BeckyB> Or you could go towards the absurd to change the effect.  Standing
by the bananas. . .
<zentao> How many alien's have listened and felt the sympathetic vibes of a
grand when something goes bumping down the stairs?
<BeckyB> Not many Zen.
<Casey> Not many.
<Chipmonk> Assuming the entity could read English?  Would they understand
what various objects were?
<BeckyB> But how many Aliens are reading your book?
<Fairydragon> We assume that the piano is playing mournful songs.
<Fairydragon> Therefore linking it with the funeral.
<zentao> I'm not making my point, but I am trying to say something.  When I
get my act together, I'll be back.
<zentao> That's not the point, Becky.
<zentao> I wrote about aliens from a perspective of among them.  In order
to do that, certain devices had to be used.  I want Casey to address that
need, too.
<BeckyB> I know because we've talked about this before.  It is a good
point, but I tend to write toward my reader who is "I think" usually human.
:-)
<Laurens1024> A wood coffin against wood stairs.  The closed piano gives me
the feeling that the deceased once played and the piano will never be
played again.
<Chipmonk> Making someone who has not had an experience see, feel etc. what
it is?
<Fairydragon> So, can wAhh, but is the piano closed
<Fairydragon> sorry...
<Fairydragon> typo
<zentao> There are many books written as if from without human existence.
And they are excellent.  But there are devices that are used.
<Chipmonk> The Inheritors comes to mind.  written from the point of a
Neanderthal observing Cro Magnons.
<Laurens1024> Metamorphosis
<Casey> Writing from an alien perspective, assumptions would have to be
looked at.  Like time, for instance.
<Casey> Would our time divisions have relevance for an advanced race?
<Chipmonk> Or an unadvanced race?
<Casey> Exactly.
<Casey> The author would have to decide what assumptions he wants to keep
and which he wants to challenge or change.
<Chipmonk> And instead of saying, Glorvot had a different sense of time,
you'd have to show it.
<Fairydragon> And there is the challenge.  To show time.
<Casey> Many SF writers do it by references to a solar or lunar cycle that
differ from ours.  And explain what those differences are the first time
the reference is made.
<Chipmonk> You would have different sleep/wake cycles.
<Casey> Or specific mating cycles.
<Fairydragon> I read a book, that took place on the moon in future times.
I was halfway through the book before I realized that.  It made a
difference.
<Laurens1024> How bout senses?
<Fairydragon> But to assume that I knew the Sea of Tranquillity was on the
moon, hurt my understanding of the book
<Casey> Imagine you are a dog, Lauren (no offense, meant)
<Laurens1024> lol
<Casey> How would your senses be different from a human's?
<Casey> Tell us some of what you're sensing right now.
<Laurens1024> well my sense of smell would be far more acute.   In
reference to being a dog or in general?
<Casey> You're a dog.
<Laurens1024> I'm lonely cause my master isn't around.
<Chipmonk> How would you use imagery to show you have an acute sense of
smell instead of just saying it?
<Laurens1024> You're right. Show don't tell.
<Casey> And lonely is an emotion, not a sense.
<Laurens1024> I would go to a pair of shoes and sniff them, or a piece of
clothing.
<Laurens1024> Perhaps, not a pair of shoes
<Casey> lol!
<Chipmonk> And what would you smell?
<Laurens1024> I think scratching at a door, running up and down a hallway
looking, searching for someone.  Looking for my master's smell.
<Laurens1024> Trying to find him.
<Chipmonk> What would he smell like?
<Chipmonk> Lauren?
<Laurens1024>   he might smell like meat or something sweet.  Sorry.  My
master  might smell like food . Okay.  I think each human would have his or
her own scent.
<Chipmonk> They would especially to a dog.
<Casey> As a dog myself right now, I'm keenly aware of my fur.  The
slightest breeze ruffles it, so I can tell the direction of the draft.
<Chipmonk> What does sweat smell like?
<Casey> Petting would be soothing.  As if someone came up and stroked a
human's head/hair.
<Chipmonk> (Everybody stick your nose in your armpit)
<Casey> It's a good smell.  Warm and damp. 
<Laurens1024> He would smell like love. Sweat smells salty.Sweat smells
sweet sometimes. Sometimes sweat smells like French fries.
<Casey> Doesn't smell quite as strong as hair dampened by rain, but
similar.
<Chipmonk> The sweet salt odor of his sweat.
<Casey> Okay.  "POOF!"  Everyone's human again.
<Casey> good, Chip.  I like that.
<Laurens1024> Like my perfume.  Kind of gritty.
<Chipmonk> I'm not.
<Casey> "POOF!"  Chip's a Chipmonk.
<Chipmonk> Thank you.
<Casey> an "oral" description:
<Casey> "Cranly . . . was picking his teeth with a match, very deliberately
and scrupulously, occasionally halting to insert his tongue carefully into
some crevice before continuing the process of picking.  He spat out what he
dislodged."  (James Joyce, Stephen Hero)
<Chipmonk> Yummy.
<Casey> The point to this exercise is, to become more aware of the 4 senses
rarely used when writing.
<Chipmonk> That doesn't mention tastes, but it conjures them up.
<Casey> Limiting one's self to the visual overlooks a whole range of
possibilities that can draw the reader into a character's experiences.
<Casey> Exactly, Chip.
<Casey> It does, however, get me to thinking about my mouth, and what I
might look like to someone else were I to do something similar.
<Casey> What feeling(s) does that passage leave you with, after reading it?
<Chipmonk> Wood and last nights meatloaf.
<Chipmonk> And plaque.
<Casey> I feel a slight revulsion.  Like, I don't want to be standing next
to this guy.
<Laurens1024> That happened to me several weeks ago.  The image could mean
many things.  Something distasteful, not necessarily food.  Perhaps, a
distasteful experience.
<Chipmonk> Yes, Lauren, and I would anticipate this character to be
distasteful.
<Casey> That he's picking his teeth with a match is somewhat unsanitary.
What else might be unsanitary in his habits, or about him?
<Laurens1024> It leaves an acrid taste in my mouth.  My nose is burning
from the taste in my mouth.  What about the sounds that he is making.
<Casey> It's neat that so many impressions can be gained from that small
excerpt.
<Chipmonk> Yes.  That's what good writing does.
<Casey> Exactly.
<Casey> Now to move on . . .
<Casey> Metaphors are A figure of speech that states that one thing is like
something else without using the word "like."
<Casey> Someone want to give an example?  It can be something simple.
<Laurens1024> I can hear him gagging. 
<Chipmonk> John was a bull of a man.
<Casey> What are the two things being compared, Lauren, in your example?
<Casey> Comparisons (metaphors and similes) always bring two separate
things together.
<Laurens1024> Very good.
<Casey> Mary is a dog.
<Chipmonk> Flames of red roses.
<Laurens1024> My example fizzled out.    Comparing Mary's looks to that of
a animal.
<Casey> similes are comparisons that use the word "like," or the words "as
if" and "as though"
<Casey> Want to try a simile?
<Laurens1024>   Sure.
<Laurens1024>  I'm a slow thinker.  His her voice sounded like nails
running
against the blackboard.  finger nails.
<Casey> Good!
<Casey> Your example makes my teeth ache!
<Casey> I've heard that sound too many times.
<Laurens1024> Is that what you meant?  Mine, too.
<Casey> It's exactly what I meant.
<Casey> My example of an 'as if" comparison is:
<Casey> Mary descended the stairs with her head held high as if she were a
queen descending to the level of her subjects.
<Laurens1024> How do we avoid clichés?
<Chipmonk> What makes your teeth ache like nails on a black board?
<Casey> by looking at the cliché and figuring out what it really means by
the way it's used in your story.
<Casey> If you have a cliché in mind, we can figure out alternative choices
right now. 
<Laurens1024> I see.    You mean if it flows or if it jars?
<Casey> That will be a fun exercise.
<Casey> Not necessarily.  Clarity--exact meaning--is what you strive for.
<Laurens1024> His words pierced me like a knife.
<Chipmonk> What else pierces like a knife?
<Casey> His words pierced me through the heart.
<Casey> My example eliminates the simile altogether.
<Chipmonk> A meat spit?
<Casey> nice imagery, chip!
<Laurens1024> Someone's voice. Yes, that's what I meant.
<Chipmonk> A dentist drill?
<Casey> I'm trying to think of something that keeps the simile device and
is not cliché and I'm not having very good luck at the moment.
<Laurens1024> Quite an image.
<Casey> without spitting him, that is.
<Laurens1024> My mind is turning to mush. Is it impossible?
<Casey> Metaphors and similes, as with most other writing devices, should
not be overdone or they lose their effectiveness.
<Chipmonk> I once used this for a screechy voice:  Sounded like Flipper
being strangled with a piano wire.
<Casey> (Chip writes humor, Lauren.)
<Laurens1024> I can hear that.
<Chipmonk> Thanks.
<Casey> His words, like arrows, tore through my heart.
<Chipmonk> Ouch.
<Laurens1024> Okay.  I can still hear it.
<Casey> That's as good as I can get on your similie without a cliché,
Lauren.
<Casey> I don't know that you'd want the "dramatic" flare that phrasing
imparts, though.
<Laurens1024> How can we stay fresh?  No baggies here.
<Chipmonk> Use your imagination.
<Casey> By writing honestly, from what you know of your experiencing and
feelings is one way to do it.
<Chipmonk> Picture something horrible happening to your heart.
<Casey> No thank you, Chip.
<Chipmonk> Course it has to fit your style and the tone of the story too.
<Chipmonk> If it was romance you'd do it differently than if it was horror.
<Laurens1024> Thanks, Chip.
<Casey> Too many beginning writers who have read extensively tend to write
like other writers have written, in the way they describe things.
<Laurens1024> Really.  that's interesting.  But, isn't imitation to a
degree good?
<Casey> Don't be afraid to use your own personal experiences instead, even
if the way you must tell those experiences differ from the "formula" way of
saying it.
<Laurens1024> I mean, Casey, wouldn't any writing work if you just stick to
the senses, stick to reality in a sense.
<Casey> Imitation stifles originality (your own.)  It limits you.
<Casey> Editors cry for "fresh talent," "originality of treatment," which
you don't achieve by imitating another writer.
<Casey> If you want to learn a certain technique, imitation can teach that.
But at some point, you do need to diverge and develop your own voice and
style.
<Casey> Which comes, largely, from deep within you.
<Laurens1024> How do you tell if your being original?
<Casey> It comes, 100%, from you.  Even if it's a retelling of Romeo and
Julliet, if you have told it in your own fashion, in a way that pleases you
alone, then you have handled that story uniquely.
<Laurens1024> I like certain writers, but I can't write like they do.
<Casey> I love certain writers, steal some of their techniques, and add
that skill to the plethora of techniques I hold.
<Casey> The techniques I use as a writer myself.
<Casey> And if you could write like them, publishers probably wouldn't buy
your work because they could just as easily approach your idol and ask them
for a ms.
<Casey> and having the name and reputation, their work would be assured of
selling.  Whereas your work would not give them that reassurance.
<Laurens1024> Casey, what kind of writing do you do?
<Casey> Science fiction, poetry, song lyrics, nonfiction.
<Laurens1024> All of which are full of imagery. expect nonfiction.
<Casey> Imagery is even possible in nonfiction.
<Casey> It's not as boring as many people believe.  Or at least, doesn't
have to be.
<Casey> What writing do you do?  What genre?
<Laurens1024> Writing nonfiction is a difficult task.  Sticking to the
facts and keeping your reader's interest.
<Laurens1024> Suspense.  I'm working on a suspense novel.  I'm in the
rewriting phase right now.  It's a story about a contractor that kills his
wife.
<Casey> Making sure all the facts are correct is the biggest chore in NF.
<Casey> Everything I've been going over tonight comes into play in the
rewrite phase.
<Casey> In fact, I recommend that writers of drafts simply tell their
stories--get them down on paper.  Once they're initially written, then is
the time to go back and address clarity and technique and everything else
your ideal story should have.
<Casey> Good writing is largely rewriting.
<Laurens1024> I think writing on PC's is a problem.  Writing always looks
different on the paper.   It's hard to edit from the screen.
<Casey> I agree.
<Casey> I can't stare at a lit screen for the hours I devote to rewriting.
I have to revise on paper.
<Casey> The rest of the devices not covered tonight will be covered in next
NW's meeting, two weeks from tonight.
<Chipmonk> Next week same time, Becky has a workshop.
<Laurens1024> Okay. 
<Chipmonk> It will be about weather.
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