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ICQ Chat Save
file
Started on Sun Mar 21 02:20:40 1999
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<seawitch> Can anyone tell me what we've got
tonite?
<Casey> New Writers: Description.
<Casey> Zach has an announcement.
<seawitch> Roll of drums!!!
<Zach> The "make a novel" workshop
kicks off on May 1. I'll be either
posting or e-mailing the participants with the rules
very soon. Also,
we'll be taking over the Rebel Writers chat night,
Friday's at 8 central,
starting next Friday.
<seawitch> How long will the sessions last
Zach?
<Zach> Well, the chats are about 2-3
hours. The workshop is 12 months.
<Casey> Okay, I'm going to begin.
<Casey> Tonight, we're discussing Description.
<Casey> It's not used simply to convey a list
of details.
<Casey> Description also is used to convey mood
<Casey> and what else?
<shorty103> feeling
<Casey> Rose was right. Description can
also convey feeling.
<Casey> Doesn't it also bring in the rest of
the senses?
<Casey> Color, taste, sound
<seawitch> Yeah. It also gives your
reader a mental picture to hang on to.
<Bookpal> smell
<Casey> Description can also sway a reader's
feelings toward or against a
character.
<Casey> For example, John's sitting in the
corner picking his nose and
eating the buggers.
<seawitch> YUK!!!
<shorty103> really
<Bookpal> I hope John is about two years old
<Casey> Your reaction is strong and instant.
<Zach> Ummm.
<Casey> Good, point, Bookpal.
<Chipmonk> A natural thing to do if he's a kid.
<shorty103> true
<Casey> Stranger if he's an adult.
<seawitch> We call them bogies over hear.
Everytime we watch one of your
movies about the airforce and someone is screaming
"There's bogies all over
me" we collapse into hysterical laughter.
<Casey> lol!
<Casey> That's great.
<Chipmonk> LOL!
<Bookpal> I don't know what bogies means in the
Airforce
<Casey> enemy planes.
<seawitch> Aparently bogies are enemy airplanes
<Bookpal> never heard it used that way
<Zach> And what I shoot for if I play golf.
<Chipmonk> That's worse!
<Casey> Most of us write novels, and our
thought is that we have several
hundred pages to fill, so individual sentences don't
count for much.
<seawitch> I don't have a problem filling
pages. I have a problem editing
them down into something cogent
<Casey> But even in novels, as in short
stories, sentences do matter.
<seawitch> Every word matters
<Casey> Description, even moreso, because so
many readers will skip over
long passages of narrative description.
<Bookpal> I do
<Chipmonk> Especially the weather.
<Casey> If the description can be combined with
action, all the better.
<Bookpal> Don't tell me what color the sky is -
just tell me if something
is falling out of it
<shorty103> yes, that does make sense about the
weather
<Casey> Good point, Bookpal.
<Casey> The things we notice in our everyday
lives are the things that are
unusual--out of place or out of the ordinary.
<Zach> I was going to see if anyone was
interested in a short clip of
description setting mood, but it has weather in it,
so....
<Bookpal> I don't mean rain, snow, etc. - a
plane yes
<Casey> Give it to us, Zach!!
<seawitch> When describing a character I
usually pick out or invent a
prominent feature or mannerism. I try to
describe s/he in only a couple of
sentences.
<Bookpal> please share Zach
<seawitch> You ain't never seen British weather
then.
<Chipmonk> Share! Share!
<Bookpal> glad you write better than me, shorty
<Zach> Hang on, and I'll see if I can do it.
<shorty103> no I don't, it just looks like I
do! lol Bookpal
<Zach> A steady drizzle pushed across the
Mississippi River, wetting down
Memphis and its suburbs. A system born of cold
air which had scoured
western Canada, gathered up moisture streaming inland
from the Gulf of
Mexico, and now drove eastward cooling all the land
it touched. Nightfall
would bring declining temperatures and probably snow
flurries, if luck
held; freezing rain if not.
<Zach> To the northeast of the city, in a field
which had once been planted
in cotton, sat a vast, low-slung, gray building--unto
itself, uninviting
and dull, severe in design, devoid of
appointment. To the building the
weather was inconsequential. Day or night, rain
or shine, the seemingly
endless array of stacks soldiered along its northern
face pumped their
fetid exhaust into skies willing to have it or
not. Pushed smoke and steam
and particles high over Memphis, adrift on winds
shared with neighboring
cities, towns and states.
<Zach> Clocks within only numbered the
hours--all were alike; calendars
marked when the laboring men might have a turn at
leaving for a time, to
rest at the nearby dormitory then return; the great
turning and circling of
the earth itself, imparted no change in the steady
functioning of the
building--the endless, grinding, hypnotic process.
<Zach> This building, this plant, was unlike
all others. Factories take in
materials, work them, then yield up goods.
Utilities take in fuel, convert
its energy, pay it back out. All that emerged
from this gray monolith was
exhaust and waste, unceasing in its flow,
uncompromising in its harshness.
<Zach> No matter the doings of the outside
world, this plant worked on,
taking in and consuming...rendering...exhausting;
never pausing for even a
moment; never requiring repair, never needing any
parts replaced.
<Zach> Ovens are among the simplest of
machines.
<shorty103> I just scanned it, but it was
really good of what I did read
Zach
<Zach> Impressions of how this description sets
mood?
<Bookpal> Great description - I expect this
building to be of great
importance in your story.
<seawitch> Thanks Zach. I've never
visited there but you made it real for
me
<Chipmonk> I liked that word
"soldiered". Gives a vivid image.
<Zach> Well, there's no such place as the
building, so I haven't been there
either--but I think that's one of my better efforts.
<Bookpal> I expect something awful, dangerous,
important, etc to be taking
place in this building
<Zach> It's dark and repulsive, Booky.
<seawitch> Pity about the belching smoke.
Not nice. Maybe the nice wind
will blow it away
<Bookpal> I know - that came across
<Chipmonk> Made me think of Auswich.
<Bookpal> almost foreshadowing by
description????
<Zach> Very good, Chip.
<Casey> Yes, I saw the pollution. That
came across quite strong.
<Casey> That was my uneasy impression, too,
Chip.
<Zach> In fact it's a similar situation.
<Casey> As Zach's piece demonstrates,
description usually has a purpose.
<Casey> His sets a mood of unease, of
foreboding, of ominous things to
come.
<Bookpal> It sure did
<Bookpal> It set the mood well enough that if
it doesn't I would be
disappointed.
<Casey> The best description does have a
purpose that meshes with the story
being told.
<Zach> Description is to establish place, mood,
character traits and
physical appearance, location, many many things.
<seawitch> We ain't got many factories here
anymore, the Conservative
government closed 'em all down. All that is
except for the ones that sent
SO2 over Scandinavia
<seawitch> A lot of writers use it to fill
space. Description is vital but
not when it goes on. And on. And on...
<Chipmonk> Very 19th century to do that.
<Zach> It's important not to confuse
description with padding.
Description, like dialogue and action, MUST advance
the story.
<Casey> And even the physical appearance should
give information about the
character--his traits, his personality, etc.
<seawitch> I agree. I hate it when
description reads like a thesaurus
though
<shorty103> I don't know, but by listening to
something on tv from another
room, you have to visualize what is going on, and try
to pick up the
description from the way things are said or the music
that is playing
<Zach> Good point, SW. That's overblown
name or fact dropping,
demonstrating all the research you spent all those
hours on.
<seawitch> Naw! It just tells me that
they are pedantic gits.
<Zach> It's important to do it, and equally
important to leave all but the
key points out.
<Chipmonk> Gits?
<shorty103> I do have problems with
description, I do put too many words
in, and I still don't make any sense
<Casey> "Zeren strolled through the Hall
of Records, Division of the
Ministry of Justice, with his polished parade armor
clashing softly."
<Casey> In this single sentence, you get
action, place, appearance, and
sound.
<seawitch> Research is very important. I
don't need a lesson in big words
<Zach> Yes, very vivid.
<Casey> It also gives you a feel for the type
of book you're reading.
<shorty103> yes,
<Chipmonk> I hear metallic armor echoing in
marble halls.
<Casey> And you're exactly right, Chip.
Stone halls are brought out in
further description this author uses.
<Casey> An example of a character's intentions
comes through description,
too.
<Chipmonk> And its done here without describing
what the halls are made of.
Evoked.
<Casey> The old show, don't tell:
"Zeren sat with an unfeigned sigh of
relief, and rubbed a little obviously at his
knee."
<seawitch> Twits, Chipper
<Chipmonk> Ah!
<Casey> Can you get a feel for Zeren's
intentions behind his actions?
<seawitch> He's got arthritis? Or his
greaves are chafing him? perhaps
he's battle weary and reporting to his senior
officer?
<seawitch> He want's a little more sick leave
<Casey> Very close, SW!
<Chipmonk> Got an old war wound.
<Chipmonk> Maybe war weary.
<Bookpal> resting because he needed it and I
want to know why - good idea
chip
<shorty103> sweaty from fear of something
<shorty103> his hands that is
<Casey> Actually, he's after something.
He wants something, and the
rubbing obviously is an attempt to gain sympathy.
<Casey> Also to convey the impression that he
is a war veteran.
<Bookpal> ah ha
<Casey> That was not an easy one, taken out of
context.
<shorty103> interesting
<Casey> Both were written by C. J. Cherryh.
<Casey> She is brilliant with description.
<seawitch> What a coincidence. I'm
reading Heavy time at the moment! I
recently discovered her. I like the way she
puts words together.
<shorty103> Casey, even if one doesn't read a
book with their eyes, by
listening to someone read ( like audio books) can you
still pick up on the
description the author uses?
<Casey> I've just about read everything she's
written.
<Casey> I savor her use of words.
<Casey> You can hear the use of description,
Rose.
<Casey> I like reading description, because I
can reread passages that are
exceptionally well handled.
<shorty103> good, that is the way I have been
reading, is over the computer
with audio books
<Casey> Let's do an exercise.
<Casey> Everyone describe in one short
paragraph the room they are in right
now.
<Bookpal> ok
<Chipmonk> No push ups though.
<seawitch> She's difficult to come by over
here. Someone leant me a copy
of the Chronicles of Morgaine and I was hooked.
<shorty103> there is a small light above me
that lights up my computer
area, off to my right is a wall that is made of
wrought iron with six
shelves. To my left is a tv and vcr. Over a little
bit is a stand with
three shelves and full of papers and sitting on top
is two wooden baskets.
<shorty103> Is that short enough Casey?
<Casey> The amaryllis caught my attention
first. Perched atop a small
baker's rack in front of the window, it held regal
court over the stacks of
papers, folded cloth panels, and plastic containers
of faux gemstones,
sequins and pompoms. It's red and white trumpet
faced the desk and chair
across the room as if it preferred the computer
monitor to the cluttered
table that competed for its attention.
<Bookpal> The computer desk's L-shape leaves
space in the corner for the
pens, colored pencils and floppy disks to fall to the
floor out of reach of
the writer. Scooting the chair back, which smashes
into the filing cabinet,
causes the large black and white Akita to growl as
she wakens, scaring the
hell out of the writer.
<Casey> What is an Akita, Bookpal?
<Bookpal> a 130 pound dog, sleeping at my feet
<Casey> Oh!
<Bookpal> The first sentence was the beginning
of the description - the
last is what happened as I was writing it.
<Casey> your description makes me laugh.
I love it.
<Bookpal> She almost gave me a heart attack
<Chipmonk> The remnants of growing lay strewn
about--a birthday balloon,
shoes that no longer fit, posters now tattered,
stuffed animals no longer
needed for comfort. A skull grins down from the
ceiling surrounded by glow
in the dark stars in pastel hues. Against the
wall stands a road barrier,
its orange light staring vacant at the stop sign on
the opposite wall. All
outgrown, unwanted, but too full of memory to be
discarded.
<shorty103> Casey, there is a lot of wrought
iron around my home, and that
is why I mentioned it
<Chipmonk> The akita ate Bookpal!
<Casey> I can picture your space.
<Casey> Small, very cozy.
<Casey> I love Chip's assortment of everything.
<shorty103> I know I need a lot of work when it
comes to description
<Chipmonk> My daughters junk.
<Bookpal> Chips makes you think of an artist
<Zach> Hang on, it's my turn now.
<Casey> Go for it, Zach
<seawitch> The room is cluttered with wrappers
and used cups. Papers
strewn across the desk speak of careless discard a
lack of a paper bin. An
old sweatshirt shrouds the saddle of the exercise
bike, one sleeve trailing
on the floor. A spider's web flutters in a
draught, silver against the
white walls. A dog stirs at my feet, cold nose
questing for one of those
scrummy biccies.
<Zach> The room was very nearly square, painted
bright to capture the
daylight and to chase all but the most insistent
shadows at night. The bed
dominated: a massive king-sized piece of furniture,
to which the other
items in the room merely played court.
<Bookpal> Those are great
<Chipmonk> I want to know what a scrummy biccie
is.
<shorty103> a lot better than mine! lol
<Zach> Didn't know my bedroom was that
interesting. heh heh
<Zach> As a room, that is.
<Bookpal> No and we didn't either
<Casey> It's obvious that we have some good
writers in this workshop.
<seawitch> Thanks Casey.
<Chipmonk> I like the other items in the room
holding court for the bed.
<Zach> Writing good description takes some
mental effort, and this is one
of the keys to good writing. It's less magic than
hard thinking and work.
<Bookpal> Seawitch is making me hungry
<Casey> It would have been neat to have named
the other items.
<seawitch> Scrummy biccie? That's a
really tasty cookie Chipper.
<Zach> Well, I ran out of perceived time,
Casey. Sorry.
<Casey> We're not really pushy here
<Zach> Hang on, I'll see if I can find one of
my favorite room
descriptions.
<shorty103> Casey, did you read mine? I
fee left out here
<Zach> I did. It was good.
<Chipmonk> I love the slang you come up with,
Seawitch.
<Casey> Yes, Rose. Your room and Zach's
are the cleanest!
<seawitch> Can't see any other items for the
rubbish. Except the keyboard
and the screen that is.
<shorty103> mine, well, I did want people to
think I was a slob, so I
didn't include the mess
<Chipmonk> Sounds like my house.
<seawitch> LOL Chip
<Casey> Us creative people have better things
to do than clean house.
<Zach> Okay, here's part of the description of
the room
<shorty103> that's for sure, that is why I have
my sister and cousin come
in and do the cleaning for me. lol
<Bookpal> Mine is a 1908 parsonage - with a
huge room for me, myself and I
<Zach> The only reason my room's clean is that
we cleaned it today!
<Zach> Once in the den she felt less
oppressed. Here again were the
soldierly panels, but stained somewhat less dark (or
was it merely the fact
that broad windows lay at the rear of the room,
admitting plenty of
light?). The few pieces of furniture were not
especially arranged,
appearing instead to have wandered in many years
earlier, found comfortable
spots, and settled in to sleep.
<Zach> That's it!
<Casey> I like your personification of the
furniture.
<seawitch> We have a saying here. Were
there's muck there ain't a char
lady! I keep the rest of the house
spotless. My office is my chilling out
place.
<Bookpal> I love the furniture bit
<Zach> That's why I copied it. One of my
favorites.
<Chipmonk> I like that. sounds very
overstuffed and cozy.
<Bookpal> I could paint around my furniture -
never move it
<Casey> The descriptions given each have a
different focus.
<seawitch> Great Piece Zach. The idea of
dusty furniture hibernating the
years away in your sunny study.
<seawitch> We all look at the world through
different eyes Casey
<Zach> This is fun. May I do another?
<Bookpal> good description SW of Zach's
description
<Casey> Sure!
<Zach> And inside more riches, from the walls
made of panels and
<Zach> exquisite chair-rails toiled
from uncommon woods, to the floor of
<Zach> bright marble streaked in
grays; more statuary (epicurean, not
<Zach> guardian); a few substantial
oils; silver ranging from unique
<Zach> pieces to entire
services.
<Zach> And the
table? Well, the table was a juggernaut.
Two
<Zach> meters wide, ten meters
long. Probably a metric ton in mass. It
<Zach> had to be mahogany--no other
wood has that appearance--meaning it
<Zach> came from Earth (swietenia
and its co-genera are only found
<Zach> there). It was set in
a golden service with crystal goblets,
<Zach> linen napkins bound in
hand-tooled golden rings, and bone china
<Zach> of the historically
important Saffar pattern.
<Zach> Okay, that's all, I promise.
<Chipmonk> Interesting--a very opulent room but
not on Earth?
<Zach> I'm really not obsessed with rooms, just
got on that kick since
Casey wanted room descriptions.
<Zach> Yes, it's from MAN-LIKE.
<Casey> We have very old, very formal here.
<Zach> They're in the dining hall of a wealthy
man.
<Casey> That came across clearly.
<Zach> Do you like old and formal, Casey?
<Casey> Only to visit.
<Chipmonk> Obviously. I wondered how they
moved the table in.
<Zach> LOL
<seawitch> I can almost smell the bees wax and
silver polish Zach. You
must keep your housemaid very busy.
<seawitch> They didn't move the table in Chip
they built the house around
it!
<Zach> Hey, it's not MY house!
<Bookpal> I agree with all the above comments
<Zach> Booky's cheating!
<Bookpal> faster
<Bookpal> it's true, though
<shorty103> To be honest, my little area around
me is cluttered with paper
that I keep printing out. The stand beside is
clutttered with many things
that one would use in an office. The wrought
iron wall is behind that. The
six shelves have stuff animals, 3D puzzles, and six
small lamps, one on
each of the shelves. My desk is full of papers and
other things I like to
keep handy, but overall it quite nice little space.
It fits my needs
<Casey> I like that description, Rose, even
better than your first.
<Bookpal> I like the lamps on each shelf
<Chipmonk> You started getting some feeling in
there at the end, Rose.
Good.
<shorty103> yes, sometimes it takes me a little
time to think of it, and
then boom it comes to me of what I really want to say
<Zach> No one gets that the first time, Rose.
<Bookpal> that's called "re-writing"
Rose
<seawitch> Your study sounds very much like
mine Rose, full of junk and
well lived in.
<Zach> It took me over five minutes to make my
bedroom sound interesting.
<Bookpal> lol
<Zach> <same qualifier as before>
<Casey> I had to focus on one object--the
amaryllis--and work outward from
there.
<Bookpal> I never see mine - I walk in too
sleepy to see and walk out
before I am really awake
<shorty103> the room that one would call a
study is about fifty feet long
<seawitch> I'm glad mine isn't. I'd need
a JCB to fight my way to the
desk.
<Chipmonk> Are you sure you have a bedroom
Bookie, or are you just dreaming
that you do?
<Bookpal> sometimes I wonder - lol
<Bookpal> the least used room in the house
<Casey> Don't be shy of the truth when you
write, Rose. It makes your
writing come alive.
<shorty103> behind is the kitchen table, and
windows that go from one wall
to the other across from where I sit. Then there are
the plants that hang
in front of those windows. They go from one end to
the other too!
<Chipmonk> How do the windows and plants feel?
<seawitch> Casey, It's 4am here and I'm
cabbaged. Can you please send me
the buffer of the complete chat?
<Casey> Sure, SW. Glad you lasted this
long.
<Casey> Go get some sleep!
<Bookpal> Sorry you have to go - but do
understand
<shorty103> I hope you don't mind me spilling
my feeling, I don't get in
this mood very often
<Chipmonk> Night Sea witch. You're a
trooper sticking out this long!
<Casey> I'm interested in your last sentence,
rose. They go from one end
to the other too!
<Chipmonk> Lets all jump on Zach's bed and have
a pillow fight with his
pillows!!
<Casey> yay!
<Bookpal> Count me in
<shorty103> yeah!
<Casey> *Whop!*
<Chipmonk> Bouncy bouncy!!
<Zach> Not pillows, pillow-top. It's got
an extra pad sewn onto the
mattress.
<Casey> Yipppeeee!
<Zach> It's really cool.
<Casey> I found a pillow! You do have
pillows! Take that! *Whop!*
<Bookpal> Last time I jumped on a bed, when I
was 35, I broke my tailbone
<Chipmonk> Hmm, I could gnaw throw the cover
and tunnel through the
padding!
<Zach> Ouch. Broken tailbone bad.
<shorty103> you must have paid an arm and a leg
and a foot, plus a hand for
that kind of bed
<Bookpal> Hit the bar in the middle of a
California kind
<Zach> Hmm, vermin.
<Bookpal> I was teaching a two year old how to
jump on beds
<Zach> I'd be ashamed to say what it
cost. But I'm here to tell you,
there's nothing like a good night's sleep.
<Zach> Anyway, that's where I'm heading.
It's been fun, guys.
<Chipmonk> That was fun.
<Casey> I don't think the thing I tried to post
a little while back came
through.
<Chipmonk> What thing?
<Casey> Rose, I was saying that I was
interested in your last sentence.
<Casey> They go from one end to the other too!
<shorty103> so I did better in the last
description was better than the
first, I think more thought went into it as well
<Bookpal> Casey, may I do a short paragraph I
have been working on today -
still doesn't seem to be what I want
<Casey> Yes, Bookie. Please do.
<Bookpal> Ok, thanks
<Casey> Yes, rose.
<Bookpal> The fire sizzled as Jason and Ty held
sticks jammed with weiners
over it. A large cofee can filled with chili sat in
the fire pit. Steam
rose and disappeared into the daarkness. A box of
graham crackers, a bag of
marshmallows and a stack of chocolate bars waited on
a tree stump.
<Casey> I know what they're going to do with
the graham crackers,
marshmallows and chocolate!
<Casey> Yummy!
<shorty103> very nice Bookpal, I can picture it
even though you have made
some typing errors
<Chipmonk> S'mores
<Bookpal> yep
<Bookpal> I wanted that to come across without
naming them
<shorty103> sounds good to me too! Bookpal
<Chipmonk> The only problem I see is the
sentence structure. It is kind of
repetitive.
<Casey> That comes across clearly.
<Bookpal> good point, Chip. Help?
<Bookpal> I kept deleting words and I'm afraid
you are right
<Casey> The sizzling comes from weiner juices
dropping into the fire,
right?
<Bookpal> yes
<Bookpal> Ty and Jason are 16
<Chipmonk> Yes you could stick the juices
dripping and popping in the first
sentence.
<Chipmonk> And put the clause that starts
"waiting" in the front of the
last one.
<Bookpal> I had "popped and snapped"
changed it to "sizzled"
<Chipmonk> Popped and sizzled as the juices
dripped.
<Bookpal> that would be more visual
<Chipmonk> Making me hungry.
<Bookpal> Then it is working - lol
<Casey> The fire popped and sizzled as juices
dripped from weiner-stuffed
sticks.
<Bookpal> aah, good
<Casey> That's loosing the kids' names.
<Chipmonk> How about Waiting on a tree stump
with promises of sweet
scrumptiousness--or something to that effect.
<shorty103> Ty and Jason propped their sticks
with the hot dogs on it up
against the log. A make shift pot was an old coffee
can.
<Bookpal> Great, Shorty
<Bookpal> They are in the woods
<Bookpal> (of course - north Idaho)
<Bookpal> Thanks, guys - I'll have some new
thoughts to work with
<Chipmonk> Are we helping or confusing?
<Bookpal> helping
<Bookpal> Casey, this is from the novel I'm
working on that has Anna in it
<Casey> It's so neat to watch your book develop
here.
<shorty103> Sitting on the log, was some
goodies to make their favorite
snack. Each stared at it out of the
corner of their eye wondering who was
going to finish their chili dogs first.
<Bookpal> Shorty that sounds like two teenage
boys -
<shorty103> well I'm trying
<Bookpal> you are doing a good job
<Bookpal> description is very hard for me
<Chipmonk> The fire popped and sizzled as Jason
and Ty held sticks jammed
with weiners over it. Steam rose from a large
coffee can bubbling with
chilli and disappeared into the darkness.
<shorty103> I would even do the same thing, and
I have when I was younger
<Casey> Description is hard to write, period.
<shorty103> yes it is
<Bookpal> You guys should be writing this!
<Chipmonk> And to try not to sound like just
facts strung together.
<Bookpal> true, Chip
<Casey> Writing description is exactly
this: writing and rewriting the
same thing 10 different ways until you get the
combination that works best.
<shorty103> very true
<Bookpal> that is what I was doing today
<shorty103> it's the middle of this paragraph
that has me stumped
<Casey> the coffee can of chilie?
<Bookpal> taken from the freezer at home -
which is not part of the story
<Casey> That's what has been stumping me.
I did what Chip did: have the
steam rise from the coffee can of . . .
<Bookpal> yes, that is where the steam came
from
<Casey> I like the image of the steam
disappearing into the night.
<Bookpal> I needed to show it was dark
<Chipmonk> Yes, that's good.
<shorty103> with the hot dogs sizzling and the
steam disappearing in to
night, the pair eyed each other waiting for the other
one to move towards
the treats first
<Bookpal> again, I like it
<Casey> On Chip's version, I keep wanting to
put the "disappeared into the
night" closer to "steam," but can't
figure out how to do that the way she
wrote it.
<Bookpal> May I do one more that has to do with
this - comes about a page
later
<Casey> Yes!
<shorty103> I do hope that you use any of the
ideas that have been put
forth
<Bookpal> Ty closed his eyes and crossed his
arms over his chest. Jason
popped open the marshmallow bag, put two on his stick
and stuck it into the
fire. He brought the burning marshmallows close to
his mouth, blew the
flames out, slid the black, crispy blob onto a
chocolate covered graham
cracker, put another cracker on top and gave it a
push. He held his
masterpiece up and slowly licked away the white goo
that oozed from the
edges.
<Casey> Steam rose and disappeared into the
night from a large coffee can
of chilie . . .
<Chipmonk> Sensuous.
<Chipmonk> Yep, Casey, that works.
<Bookpal> yes, it does Casey
<Chipmonk> bubbling chili.
<Bookpal> good adjective
<Bookpal> it would be bubbling
<Casey> I was trying to remember what Chip
wrote from memory. Combine the
two.
<Bookpal> Can you send the buffer, Please
<Casey> I'll now move on!
<Chipmonk> Yep. Mouth watering.
<Casey> The second one's more step-by-step.
<Bookpal> thanks for letting me interrupt - it
was very helpful
<Casey> Can he simply blow out the marshmallow
without "bringing it close
to his mouth"?
<shorty103> Ty and Jason bolted out to where
the other were. Each grabbed a
stick and placed a hot dog on. Moments later
they heard the sizzle of the
juices hitting the fire. Looking around at
everyone, their eyes were drawn
back to the fire were they spotted a pot of
chili steaming away. Their
eyes followed the steam for a moment as it drifted
into the night. By the
time they realized it, it was time for desert. Strain
to see what is was,
it hit them, our favorite desert was waiting over on
log directly in front
of them.
<Bookpal> cool, Shorty
<shorty103> I know I didn't use all the words
you did, but it is another
thought
<Casey> crammed another cracker on top . . .
<Bookpal> That is the way I do it, Casey. I get
your point, cuts out words
<Bookpal> crammed is better than pushed
<Bookpal> I did have crammed and then exploded
instead of oozed at one time
today
<Chipmonk> I like oozed.
<Bookpal> so do I, because that is what it
does, in my opinon
<Casey> Sometimes I rewrite a paragraph so many
times that none of it makes
sense any longer.
<Casey> Yep, oozed is great. Very vivid.
<Chipmonk> The problem with the second excerpt
is that long string of steps
in making the smores and the He did this and did
this.
<Casey> That's what I was trying to get
around.
<shorty103> Casey, How did I do on the last
description for Bookpal?
<Bookpal> So do I - I have a "saved delete
file" so I can go back to the
original
<Bookpal> good point, chip
<Casey> Combine two steps into one fluid
action.
<Bookpal> I am trying to slow the action down
at this point
<Bookpal> if that makes any difference
<Chipmonk> Break the sentence up?
<Casey> Yep. And it gives a feel of the
boy savoring this moment.
<Bookpal> good idea - seemed long to me
<Bookpal> they just found something that will
change lives as the story
goes
<Bookpal> it sets up Anna and her husband for
all their troubles
<Chipmonk> Melted chocolate and marshmallow
oozed from between graham
crackers as he squeezed them together.
<Casey> Rose, you did well.
<Chipmonk> Thought bookie went off to make
smores.
<Bookpal> I would like to
<Casey> those bring back such childhood
memories!
<Bookpal> I'm using that - so readers can
identify
<Casey> It's working.
<Chipmonk> I prefer just plain burned
marshmallows.
<Bookpal> thanks
<Casey> those are good, too.
<Chipmonk> With very oozie middles.
<Bookpal> here you can get into big arguments
over golden brown vs burned
<Casey> Have had many more burned marshmallows
than s'mores
<Chipmonk> True!
<Bookpal> my kids called me once in the middle
of the night - they were
arguing about if I liked my burnt
<Bookpal> must add they had had a few beers
<Casey> I'll just volunteer to eat all the
browned ones that accidentally
catch on fire.
<Chipmonk> Did you know that marshmallows were
invented by the ancient
Egyptians?
<Bookpal> no, I didn't
<Casey> they invented just about everything!
<Bookpal> how did they do it? invent them in
those days
<Chipmonk> Beer too.
<Bookpal> what is a marshmallow anyway?
<Chipmonk> They were originally made from
mashed marshmallow root.
<Bookpal> lol, lol
<Chipmonk> A plant something like a hollyhock.
<Bookpal> no way!
<Chipmonk> Now they're made out of corn syrup
sugar and flour.
<Casey> The name then makes some sense. I
always thought the name was
rather odd.
<Bookpal> I have never wondered about them
before - just accepted them
<Casey> Just eating them was good enough, huh?
<Bookpal> right
<Chipmonk> And mallow root is good for sore
throats supposedly, it being
mucilaginous.
<Bookpal> unless you forgot to blow it out
<Chipmonk> LOL!
<Casey> So, what is the answer to the big
mystery question, Bookpal?
<Casey> Do you prefer burnt or browned?
<Bookpal> even steven
<Bookpal> I like burnt
<Casey> High five! Two for burnt!
<Bookpal> I'm not kidding - I have heard some
heavy arguments over it
<Casey> We already know that people in Idaho
are strange.
<Bookpal> yes, they are - especially where Zen
lives
<Bookpal> not Zen, but that area
<Chipmonk> Why is it strange?
<Bookpal> very different mix of people--which
can be good
<Bookpal> a lot of this area was invaded by the
hippies and flower children
of the 60's
<Bookpal> they are the grandparents now- and
still keep to their ways
<Chipmonk> Ah! so you have the old
timers, hippies and the white
supremacists?
<Bookpal> that's about it
<Chipmonk> Weird combination.
<Bookpal> the white supremacists moved in not
too long ago - are not
welcomed by anyone
<Bookpal> they seemed to have come from the
mid-west
<Chipmonk> How do you take your marshmallows,
crip.
<Casey> browned or burnt?
<crip> in my hot cocoa, melted
<Bookpal> lol
<Bookpal> I do that too
<Bookpal> but if they were on a stick over a
fire?
<Casey> (this is a serious research question)
<crip> browned
<Chipmonk> I want mine browned long enough to
be melted inside and then
burned.
<Bookpal> boo!
<crip> warm enough to be in smores
<Bookpal> good for you
<Bookpal> we are going to have to have a
camping trip
<Casey> Yep! I'll second that.
<Chipmonk> Actually, I like very old dried out
marshmallows--crunchy.
<crip> you mean like cereal crunchy
marshmallows?
<Casey> magic charms?
<Bookpal> I'll volunteer, trees, beautiful
lakes and brillant stars
<Chipmonk> Yep. But I don't like them in
cereal.
<Casey> Any mountains?
<Bookpal> mountains? We have MOUNTAINS! not
hills
<Casey> Okay, I'll travel.
<Bookpal> great
<Chipmonk> I'll bring the Vienna hotdogs from
Chicago--the best.
<Bookpal> cool
<crip> mmm....coney style
<Bookpal> no kidding this is a great place to
spend outdoors
<Casey> I have a tent that holds 4, 2 sleeping
bags.
<Bookpal> we have a golf course with a floating
green
<Bookpal> lets do it!
<Chipmonk> Floating green as in pond scum?
<Casey> Chip, you and I think too much alike!
<Casey> chuckling.
<crip> oh no
<Bookpal> no - it floats on beautiful Coeur
d'Alene Lake
<Casey> How does it float? Is it actually
a small island?
<Bookpal> yes, it is
<Chipmonk> Cool.
<Bookpal> $350 to play - so I haven't been
there
<Casey> I was picturing an inflatable green
raft.
<Bookpal> that wouldn't surprise me in this
area lol
<Casey> (Yeah, I know a lot about golf.
Can you tell?)
<Chipmonk> I've never played golf.
<Casey> I played it in school. We had to
learn. That was several decades
ago.
<Chipmonk> My father played something like semi
pro.
<Bookpal> last time I did I went from the
course to the hospital and had my
daughter Leigh - 1963
<Chipmonk> That is not caused by golf.
<Bookpal> decided if that what it does I didn't
want to try it again
<crip> decades or centuries?
<Bookpal> lol
<Bookpal> feels like centuries
<Casey> 1 zero, 2 zeros, they're all the same
value, right?
<crip> uh right
<Casey> Most golf tournaments give away silver
cups or money. Usually not
babies.
<Bookpal> I got a great one that day - very
special lady
<crip> that's because they want to win a reward
not a punishment
<Chipmonk> It's the putters that do it.
<Bookpal> lol
<Casey> Have we finished Bookpal's s'mores
paragraph?
<Bookpal> Thanks, you have really helped
<Casey> We sort of copped out on the last one.
<Chipmonk> My paws are all sticky now from the
marshmallows.
<Bookpal> This is the weirdest piece of writing
I've done. Can not go from
start to finish - I keep jumping around
<Casey> It's those blasted vivid scenes that
demand to be written.
<Bookpal> to save her husband Anna has to find
these two kids
<Bookpal> before the bad FBI agent does
<Bookpal> I write parts and then go back and
weave them in
<Casey> I was surprised by Ty's name.
<Bookpal> why?
<Chipmonk> A lot of writers do that. I
never have myself.
<Casey> I know someone named Ty. She was
16 when I met her.
<Bookpal> I knew a boy when I was young named
that -
<Chipmonk> Ty Cobb?
<Bookpal> maybe that is a good omen
<Bookpal> no - lol
<Bookpal> wish I had - I'm a baseball nut
<crip> chip stop readin my mind
<crip> *L*
<Bookpal> go Mariners!
<Chipmonk> That's been going on a lot tonight,
crip.
<Casey> shall we call it a night?
<Bookpal> I think I'm ready to call it a night
- have to be up early
--------------------------------------
